Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

My son is 21. He'll be 22 if I let him.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.