Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.