My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"
Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!