I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.