I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!