What is a home without children? Quiet.
I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.
Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.
I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.