In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.