I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"