A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"