If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?