He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.