He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.