He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.