I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.