A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.