A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.