Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"

A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.