I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can't wait to exchange.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.