Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.