You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"