You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!