I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
Now, the band that inspired that great saying, "Stop The Music!!"