That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner.

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.