Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."