Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.