You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.