My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.