"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.