Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner.

A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.