Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Is that your hat or are you wearing a cabana?

I live about four muggings from Central Park.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"