I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.