I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."