While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.