While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.

A doctor says to a man, "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says, "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"