Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.