If I had blood, I'd blush.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.