I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

Take my wife... Please!

I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

Everytime I ask what time it is, I get a different answer.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.