My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.