My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

Let's get up here before we get killed!

Anybody who thinks talk is cheap has never argued with a traffic cop.

A motel is where you give up good dollars for bad quarters.