My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street. The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!"

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.