You have the Midas touch. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"