Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."