Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.