In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

Let's get up here before we get killed!