A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Let's get up here before we get killed!

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.