I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

Have you seen the new Polish jigsaw puzzle? One piece.

My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, "Huh. I lost 100 pounds!"