If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?
A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.
Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
My wife is the sweetest, most tolerant, most beautiful woman in the world. This is a paid political announcement.
Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.