My wife has a black belt in shopping.
On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"
A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.