I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.