I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.

A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.