I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

I don't mind when my horse is left at the post. I don't mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, "Which way do I go?" But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race...

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!