Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat.

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"