My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

The patient says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don't do that!"

If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. Now when he makes love, the garage door goes up.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!