The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.