A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!

Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"