I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

The Doctor says, "You'll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

My room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.