I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

When it comes to work, there are many who will stop at nothing.

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.