My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.
Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.
I just made a killing in the stock market -- I shot my broker.
His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.
He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.
I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."