If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?

I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I don't fly on account of my religion. I'm a devout coward.

My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.