I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

College: A fountain of knowledge where all go to drink.

The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.