There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

A priest is sent to Alaska. A bishop goes up to visit one year later. The bishop asks, How do you like it up here? The priest says, If it wasn't for my Rosary, and 2 martinis a day, I'd be lost. Bishop, would you like a martini? Yes. Rosary, get the bishop a martini!

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

What is a home without children? Quiet.