Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they are okay, you're it.

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!

I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.