Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

My wife has a black belt in shopping.

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

I don't believe in reincarnation, but what were you when you were alive?