I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!
When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."
I bet on a horse at ten-to-one. It didn't come in until half-past five.
I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.