Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."