I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!

A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

I know what I'm giving up for Lent: my New Year's resolutions.