I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

My history teacher was so old, he taught from memory.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.