A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

There is no spark like the one ignited under the aspirations of a new graduate.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

I've been married for 49 years. Where have I failed?

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

My wife lost all her credit cards, but I'm not going to report it. Whoever found them spends less than she does!