A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

I own a hundred and fifty books, but I have no bookcase. Nobody will lend me a bookcase.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.